Reasons why Batman would beat Jesus in a fight, it's a hot topic

Jesus isn't physically fit at all. Three days on a cross is a terrible way to train.

Batman died for our sins.

Jesus is too big of a Batman fan.

 Honorable mention to:

Batman beat the Red Hood and Hush, Jesus lost to Judas.

Batman fought a shark with a light saber, now that's how you train.

Jesus took three days to resurrect, Batman can instantly with a Lazarus Pit.

Superheroes that most people don't realize are douches

Iron man, for starting the Civil War and being a drunk.

Reed Richards, for following Iron Man, becoming a zombie on purpose, and being obnoxious.

Green Lanterns, for being glorified cops.

Honorable mention to: Superman for being too nice, Professor Xavier for thinking he can control everything, and the Hulk for going on killing sprees.

Advertisements that should no longer exist

Drexel ads. All of them. Please!

Anything that tries to make McDonalds look healthy or good for the community.

State Farm ads with that guy.

Honorable mention to: every Geico commercial ever, Chevy manly ads, and the Outback commercial saying that they're an Australian Steakhouse that supports the US.

Things pop songs taught me

Don't worry about how much fun you're having cause 

"Well Barbie, it's just getting started."

That apparently my progeny will be good looking.

Notice how they didn't see their careers in the year 3000.

That if it rains it's okay, just hang out with Rihanna.

Honorable mention to: if you wake up with a hangover P.Diddy feels the same way, If you're seeking a girl called Amy well you're not innocent, and that if you find a genie in a bottle odds are she'll sing your ears off.

Random pictures, you know you love it

Honorable mention to:

Political pictures

American budget

Honorable mention to:

Click on it for more detail, worth it.

Blasphemy picutres pt.2

Honorable mention to:

Top struggles of being an English major

Interpreting what doesn't need to be.

Reading.

Love-hate relationship with coffee.

Honorable mention to: 

Needing to know every book by heart.

Knowing the end to every movie cause you've already read the book.

Finding a job that pays.

Top things you can say to discretely pass for Jesus

You're a jewish carpenter.

Your ex used to be depraved but you saw the good in her and changed her ways.

At the dinner table say you're going to get more water and come back with wine. 

(You will need to be sitting at the middle of the table though.)

Honorable mention to: say you gave fish to homeless people, say that your dad isn't with us but that you love your stepdad, and disappear for three days and come back acting like nothing happened.

Best cameos

Bill Murray in Zombieland.

Brad Pitt in True Romance.

Matt Damon in Eurotrip.

Honorable mention to: Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, Neil Patrick Harris in Harold and Kumar, and Mike Tyson in The Hangover.

Things movies taught me

2015 will be amazing!

Cars all have about 6 sticks of dynamite hidden in them.

It's fine to shoot Tony Shaloub in the face.

Honorable mention to: be very afraid of small white rabbits, don't be very afraid of small white rabbits if they're holding a watch, and if you start dancing, strangers around you will know the choreography. 

Music people recognize but don't know what album they're from

Elvis, I don't know the name of any of his albums.

The Rolling Stones, hurts but true.

Beethoven, I never listened to any of his albums.

Honorable mention to: The Beatles anything that isn't White Album or Sargent Pepper, 2pac, and Rebecca Black.